ill always take on suggestions for content but i think whats being gotten at is a stray away from when editing for grammer and **** to just go ahead and change words etc to help the flow
suggested edits is fine, then leave it to the writer to decide which way he or she wants to go
Raiders Trial V Ninjas
Moderator: GH Moderators
I agree. I don't think I've ever seen an instance where anyone has had a gun held to their head and told to accept the edits or else. I can't see what is wrong with suggesting edits, even on matters related to expression/writing style etc - it is a team game and this type of thing happens all the time in the professional world (ie the person who has a piece of writing attributed to their name has had it editied by others, not just for spelling + grammar but also for style/structure).greeneyed wrote:I personally don't see anything wrong with suggested edits. It is a team game and we should be able to help eachother.
I don't think anything needs to change from how things have been done in the past. All a piss in a teacup IMO.
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Inactive
Here is my article - open to suggestions. Comes in at 740 words minus the references.
_____________________________________
Second Chance Draw
Rather than counting down the days until the 2006 premiership, league has made all the wrong headlines again over the Craig Gower incident and its fallout. Sadly this is not a new occurrence, with previous summers dominated by the Dane Tilse sacking and, most infamously, the Coffs Harbour scandal that besieged the Bulldogs in early 2004.
While the Bulldogs situation was unique, many saw the parallels between the Tilse and Gower cases, yet their respective penalties could not have been more different. Tilse had his contract torn up and was de-registered from playing league at any level for twelve months after allegedly entering a *'s dormitory in Bathurst and making sexual advances towards her after an NRL trial. Craig Gower, only 12 months later, admitted to partaking in a drunken rampage which involved groping Wayne *'s under-age daughter. The Australian representative player lost the captaincy of his club, but kept his job – albeit slapped with a $30,000 fine.
Double standards? It would seem that way. Many have commented that Gower did not suffer the same fate that Tilse endured because of his standing in the game as a high profile representative player, or as Tilse himself put it, â€*'s a lot easier to make an example of a guy like me than someone like Craig Gower.†* While Tilse lost his shot at making it into the NRL and all of his $60,000 salary, *'s fine equated to less than one twelfth of his yearly income – a massive disparity considering the similarity of the offences.
The two cases highlight the need for the NRL governing body to introduce a ‘base penalty’ system for inappropriate behaviour by players that is independent of their status. While individual clubs have the right to impose penalties they see fit for player indiscretions, the NRL should make sure such double standards do not occur. Be it a hefty fine right through to sacking, there must be a consistency so that every player is accountable for his actions. While Penrith would have been dealt a massive blow if they had to sack their captain, an adherence to the laws and code of conduct of the game is an important step in winning back the support of the public.
In light of this negativity surrounding league once more, something extremely positive has emerged which is a credit to everyone involved in the game – the culture of the ‘second chance.' Many outside the game (and some within it, such as Wayne Bennett) see the league culture as something to despise, with incidents of boozing and womanising dominating headlines. This is by no means league-specific however, but merely a reflection on our society as a whole. A positive is that players who have admitted their guilt and copped their punishment, whatever it may be, are given the chance to redeem themselves. Dane Tilse, for example, has his career back on track at Canberra, the club I support. While no Raiders fan will ever condone what he allegedly did, everyone supports giving the young man a second go. Similarly while not everyone agrees with the severity of Craig *'s punishment, he has paid his dues and now has to let his football do the talking.
The Raiders have established a reputation recently of signing ‘undesirables’ –they have ex-convict Jason Williams on their books and are in negotiations with sacked Dragon Willie Manu, who breached bail conditions after an assault in 2005. There is always controversy in signing men with such backgrounds, and while no-one supports their actions, I am glad the Raiders are willing to ‘take a risk.' If they have served their punishment and are committed to turning their lives around, then they can only be an asset to the club. Jason Williams, for example, began to play some of his best football again at the end of 2005.
Williams’ “rehabilitation†would not have been possible at the newly admitted Gold Coast Titans, where managing director Michael Searle has based their recruitment policy on ‘the social behaviour of the players in the past.' ^ While a noble initiative, they must appreciate that the men that play league are only human, and that no-one is perfect. Mistakes will be made, as Dane Tilse and Craig Gower can attest to. It is up to everyone within the league community to offer that second chance – as long as the appropriate punishment has been served beforehand.
* ‘Tilse Slams Double Standards’, The Sunday Telegraph, 8th January 2006.
^ ‘Titans pledge squeaky clean squad’, http://www.abc.net.au/sport/content/200601/s1544037.htm
_____________________________________
Second Chance Draw
Rather than counting down the days until the 2006 premiership, league has made all the wrong headlines again over the Craig Gower incident and its fallout. Sadly this is not a new occurrence, with previous summers dominated by the Dane Tilse sacking and, most infamously, the Coffs Harbour scandal that besieged the Bulldogs in early 2004.
While the Bulldogs situation was unique, many saw the parallels between the Tilse and Gower cases, yet their respective penalties could not have been more different. Tilse had his contract torn up and was de-registered from playing league at any level for twelve months after allegedly entering a *'s dormitory in Bathurst and making sexual advances towards her after an NRL trial. Craig Gower, only 12 months later, admitted to partaking in a drunken rampage which involved groping Wayne *'s under-age daughter. The Australian representative player lost the captaincy of his club, but kept his job – albeit slapped with a $30,000 fine.
Double standards? It would seem that way. Many have commented that Gower did not suffer the same fate that Tilse endured because of his standing in the game as a high profile representative player, or as Tilse himself put it, â€*'s a lot easier to make an example of a guy like me than someone like Craig Gower.†* While Tilse lost his shot at making it into the NRL and all of his $60,000 salary, *'s fine equated to less than one twelfth of his yearly income – a massive disparity considering the similarity of the offences.
The two cases highlight the need for the NRL governing body to introduce a ‘base penalty’ system for inappropriate behaviour by players that is independent of their status. While individual clubs have the right to impose penalties they see fit for player indiscretions, the NRL should make sure such double standards do not occur. Be it a hefty fine right through to sacking, there must be a consistency so that every player is accountable for his actions. While Penrith would have been dealt a massive blow if they had to sack their captain, an adherence to the laws and code of conduct of the game is an important step in winning back the support of the public.
In light of this negativity surrounding league once more, something extremely positive has emerged which is a credit to everyone involved in the game – the culture of the ‘second chance.' Many outside the game (and some within it, such as Wayne Bennett) see the league culture as something to despise, with incidents of boozing and womanising dominating headlines. This is by no means league-specific however, but merely a reflection on our society as a whole. A positive is that players who have admitted their guilt and copped their punishment, whatever it may be, are given the chance to redeem themselves. Dane Tilse, for example, has his career back on track at Canberra, the club I support. While no Raiders fan will ever condone what he allegedly did, everyone supports giving the young man a second go. Similarly while not everyone agrees with the severity of Craig *'s punishment, he has paid his dues and now has to let his football do the talking.
The Raiders have established a reputation recently of signing ‘undesirables’ –they have ex-convict Jason Williams on their books and are in negotiations with sacked Dragon Willie Manu, who breached bail conditions after an assault in 2005. There is always controversy in signing men with such backgrounds, and while no-one supports their actions, I am glad the Raiders are willing to ‘take a risk.' If they have served their punishment and are committed to turning their lives around, then they can only be an asset to the club. Jason Williams, for example, began to play some of his best football again at the end of 2005.
Williams’ “rehabilitation†would not have been possible at the newly admitted Gold Coast Titans, where managing director Michael Searle has based their recruitment policy on ‘the social behaviour of the players in the past.' ^ While a noble initiative, they must appreciate that the men that play league are only human, and that no-one is perfect. Mistakes will be made, as Dane Tilse and Craig Gower can attest to. It is up to everyone within the league community to offer that second chance – as long as the appropriate punishment has been served beforehand.
* ‘Tilse Slams Double Standards’, The Sunday Telegraph, 8th January 2006.
^ ‘Titans pledge squeaky clean squad’, http://www.abc.net.au/sport/content/200601/s1544037.htm
My article has been posted. GE I took your advice on board with the 'alleged' - thanks for that.
Your article is excellent BTW, sorry for not commenting earlier. I think nearly all of us that have done F7's for a while now are pretty comfortable at churning articles out once we have the idea, so things are looking solid for 2006 8)
Your article is excellent BTW, sorry for not commenting earlier. I think nearly all of us that have done F7's for a while now are pretty comfortable at churning articles out once we have the idea, so things are looking solid for 2006 8)
Sorry I havent posted mine here guys - here tis.
Official count - 749 (now the heading is culled :oops )
Once upon a time the game of Rugby League was only played in the two magical kingdoms of New South Wales and Queensland. The rulers of these kingdoms decreed that their golden child needed to educate the barbaric wastelands, all inhabited by a strange creature who followed the rituals with a similarly oxygenated pigskins but unencumbered with any structure whatsoever.
In the year 1995 the expansion-smitten powers settled in Perth with a team dubbed the Western Reds. With a rather comically drawn Kangaroo and “Ca$h Converters†prophetically emblazoned across the front of the battledress it plodded bravely through its primary season at its home fortress, but sadly became roadkill outside the state line. In 1996 the writing was on the wall.
The brash prince known only as “News†then lined up the next contestant in “Who wants to be a Rugby League Basket Case,†not happy enough with squandering millions on the now ‘Perth’ Reds. The Adelaide Rams were born. The montage of spare parts players produced 6 wins and 2nd last on the table. The Perth franchise relative finished one rung higher but the death warrants ink was dry.
Fresh on the heels of the Western Wake, the ghosts of the Perth franchise decided to make Melbourne their new haunt to tap in to some of the massive AFL market, which surely had more than it could handle. The peace pipe had been handed around and the Rams knew that they had little chance to survive the ever dangling noose around the “Experiment Expansion†neck; the dismissal of Rod Reddy in May did little to loosen the sisals hold.
With the merger of Illawarra and St George, News Ltd pulled the plug on the second expansion attempt. With the two first expansion attempts dead, only Melbourne was left to fly the “Brave New World†ensign in the most non-league friendly place on the continent.
The Melbourne Storm, with its’ tongue-in-cheek jab at the “four seasons in one day†image of the town, was an instant success. The last hope of the great experiment opened up with a third place debut and became the first finalist from the new expansion sides. 1999 brought about the *'s and News’ wildest dreams becoming reality with the Storm being crowned premiers after an incredible finals series. The win was met with glee in the boardrooms and the population of Victoria delighted in becoming the “kings†of Rugby League. 2000 was again a successful year but fell short of the heights of 1999, but with average crowds of 14,000 under duress with player exits and long term injuries finished in the finals.
Drunk on their own advertising, the powers that be moved way too soon in trying to take the Storm to even loftier heights in moving from the tribal, blue collar fortress of Olympic Park to the corporate haven of Colonial Stadium. It was marketing genocide – burn your grass roots support and surrender your home ground advantage at the same time.
Since then the Storm have been as fragile as the two expansion franchises before them, and league is behind the eight ball in Victoria once more. A return to Olympic Park was made in 2002, but a club only five years old had been put back a decade, and the crowds are yet to return.
The survival of the Storm, however, is looking more and more optimistic, however there is no doubt that News Ltd has the major say in the short term. Living in Victoria (albeit a Raiders fan), many dedicated league supporters such as myself will champion the cause of the Storm as it provides all of us a chance to see top grade footy without getting on the nearest 747.
Ultimately if Melbourne is a winner the game of Rugby League becomes a bigger winner.
Can we have expansion without the loss of traditional clubs?
History shows that *'s not just the modern game which has seen the corpses of peoples sporting loved ones.
Whilst the expansion road has had many potholes and detours it would be foolish to build a Melbourne bypass.
Proposals of origin and test matches being held in Melbourne can only be a panacea for the game of Rugby League in Melbourne and I believe these events and their overall success could determine the immediate and long term future of the Storm.
Ultimately, it is in the hands of the corporate eagles at News Ltd, where their bottom line dictates the *'s tenure.
Maybe I could title it IonlyhadonewordleftandcouldnotthinkofaappropriatetitlesoIleftitwithoutatitle
Would that count as one word
Official count - 749 (now the heading is culled :oops )
Once upon a time the game of Rugby League was only played in the two magical kingdoms of New South Wales and Queensland. The rulers of these kingdoms decreed that their golden child needed to educate the barbaric wastelands, all inhabited by a strange creature who followed the rituals with a similarly oxygenated pigskins but unencumbered with any structure whatsoever.
In the year 1995 the expansion-smitten powers settled in Perth with a team dubbed the Western Reds. With a rather comically drawn Kangaroo and “Ca$h Converters†prophetically emblazoned across the front of the battledress it plodded bravely through its primary season at its home fortress, but sadly became roadkill outside the state line. In 1996 the writing was on the wall.
The brash prince known only as “News†then lined up the next contestant in “Who wants to be a Rugby League Basket Case,†not happy enough with squandering millions on the now ‘Perth’ Reds. The Adelaide Rams were born. The montage of spare parts players produced 6 wins and 2nd last on the table. The Perth franchise relative finished one rung higher but the death warrants ink was dry.
Fresh on the heels of the Western Wake, the ghosts of the Perth franchise decided to make Melbourne their new haunt to tap in to some of the massive AFL market, which surely had more than it could handle. The peace pipe had been handed around and the Rams knew that they had little chance to survive the ever dangling noose around the “Experiment Expansion†neck; the dismissal of Rod Reddy in May did little to loosen the sisals hold.
With the merger of Illawarra and St George, News Ltd pulled the plug on the second expansion attempt. With the two first expansion attempts dead, only Melbourne was left to fly the “Brave New World†ensign in the most non-league friendly place on the continent.
The Melbourne Storm, with its’ tongue-in-cheek jab at the “four seasons in one day†image of the town, was an instant success. The last hope of the great experiment opened up with a third place debut and became the first finalist from the new expansion sides. 1999 brought about the *'s and News’ wildest dreams becoming reality with the Storm being crowned premiers after an incredible finals series. The win was met with glee in the boardrooms and the population of Victoria delighted in becoming the “kings†of Rugby League. 2000 was again a successful year but fell short of the heights of 1999, but with average crowds of 14,000 under duress with player exits and long term injuries finished in the finals.
Drunk on their own advertising, the powers that be moved way too soon in trying to take the Storm to even loftier heights in moving from the tribal, blue collar fortress of Olympic Park to the corporate haven of Colonial Stadium. It was marketing genocide – burn your grass roots support and surrender your home ground advantage at the same time.
Since then the Storm have been as fragile as the two expansion franchises before them, and league is behind the eight ball in Victoria once more. A return to Olympic Park was made in 2002, but a club only five years old had been put back a decade, and the crowds are yet to return.
The survival of the Storm, however, is looking more and more optimistic, however there is no doubt that News Ltd has the major say in the short term. Living in Victoria (albeit a Raiders fan), many dedicated league supporters such as myself will champion the cause of the Storm as it provides all of us a chance to see top grade footy without getting on the nearest 747.
Ultimately if Melbourne is a winner the game of Rugby League becomes a bigger winner.
Can we have expansion without the loss of traditional clubs?
History shows that *'s not just the modern game which has seen the corpses of peoples sporting loved ones.
Whilst the expansion road has had many potholes and detours it would be foolish to build a Melbourne bypass.
Proposals of origin and test matches being held in Melbourne can only be a panacea for the game of Rugby League in Melbourne and I believe these events and their overall success could determine the immediate and long term future of the Storm.
Ultimately, it is in the hands of the corporate eagles at News Ltd, where their bottom line dictates the *'s tenure.
Maybe I could title it IonlyhadonewordleftandcouldnotthinkofaappropriatetitlesoIleftitwithoutatitle
Would that count as one word
I'm like the Phoenix, rising from Arizona.
Dolph... very good work. I would have kept the title, but done a bit of tightening in the text... but, of course, it's up to you. A one word title.... "Expansion" (?)
Some editing suggestions:
Also... para 3 "death warrants ink" should read "warrant's"
para 4 "tap in to" could be "into" (saves a word.... allows two word title... "Southern Exposure" - a play on the old TV show title "Northern Exposure" (?) )
para 4 "sisals" should be "sisal's"
para 6 "its' tongue in cheek" should have no apostrophe, should read "its"
para 6 last sentence... needs some commas as follows... "crowds of 14,000, under duress with player exits and long term injuries, finished"
para 9 Not sure that this part of the first sentence works.. "The survival of the Storm, however, is looking more and more optimistic" Maybe "The Storm's long-term prospects are looking more and more positive" works better (?)
para 13 "peoples sporting loved ones" should be "people's" (I think - tricky one)
Second last para would "beneficial" work better than "a panacea"
Some editing suggestions:
Also... para 3 "death warrants ink" should read "warrant's"
para 4 "tap in to" could be "into" (saves a word.... allows two word title... "Southern Exposure" - a play on the old TV show title "Northern Exposure" (?) )
para 4 "sisals" should be "sisal's"
para 6 "its' tongue in cheek" should have no apostrophe, should read "its"
para 6 last sentence... needs some commas as follows... "crowds of 14,000, under duress with player exits and long term injuries, finished"
para 9 Not sure that this part of the first sentence works.. "The survival of the Storm, however, is looking more and more optimistic" Maybe "The Storm's long-term prospects are looking more and more positive" works better (?)
para 13 "peoples sporting loved ones" should be "people's" (I think - tricky one)
Second last para would "beneficial" work better than "a panacea"
Last edited by greeneyed on January 14, 2006, 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
razor thin..... there's has an apostrophe as well.dolphinboy wrote:Theres a razorthin line between perfectionism and anal retentivenessgreeneyed wrote:You know I'm a perfectionist in these things.
Is it razorthin or razor thin
Honest Dolph... it is worth it... they take marks off for incorrect punctuation... and if we lose by the punctuation penalty... there's no holding back the wrath of the captain.
