Melbourne clearly has no beaches

[greeneyed]

The Greenhouse ‏@TheGHRaiders

Just watching a show on Foxtel, funny how Melburnians refer to their bay as "beaches"! And "they" say Canberra has no beach! We have the lake, we have the Raiders, what else do you need!

[Nick]

EDIT

[PrimetimeRaider]

The Greenhouse ‏@TheGHRaiders

Just watching a show on Foxtel, funny how Melburnians refer to their bay as "beaches"! And "they" say Canberra has no beach! We have the lake, we have the Raiders, what else do you need!

A hooker

[The Nickman]

Look out Nicko, he's about to stack on a blue!

[Raidersrawesome]

There used to be a beach in the Campbelltown region, on Georges river , Simmo's beach if i recall correctly

[afgtnk]

Well in that case we've also got a beach, it's in Yarralumla.

You could also throw in Kambah in there if you wanted to.

[greeneyed]

We've got the lake, we've got beaches, we've got the Raiders. Nothing else required.

[-TW-]

Uh what?

[Ecz]

Went to look at a melbourne property to rent yesterday, right on the 'beach'. Went for a dip, don't think I have ever been colder, also the sharp shells they call sand hurt the **** out of my feet. Give me Kambah pool any day.

[greeneyed]

See! And the Storm still signs players...

[dubby]

Like who?

[Manbush]

Weren't meant to ask that Dubby

[Toviii]

George Rose.

[greeneyed]

Cameron Smith, Billy Slater, Cooper Cronk.

[greeneyed]

Cameron Smith, Billy Slater, Cooper Cronk.

[dubby]

They came from q cup. I recall they signed Ryan Hinchcliffe, Troy Thompson, Jason Ryles, George rose

[Nick]

EDIT

[Toviii]

I, for one, think this is a fantastic thread. GE's got it 100% right here.

[greeneyed]

They came from q cup. I recall they signed Ryan Hinchcliffe, Troy Thompson, Jason Ryles, George rose

And have been constant contenders. Despite no beaches.

[Nick]

good stuff GE.

[-TW-]

I'd choose Melbourne over canberra too..

[greeneyed]

Uh what?

[Please]

As would I.

[greeneyed]

Uh what?

[Nick]

So would pretty much everyone but Guttriss.

[dubby]

I see your point ge. Townsville has poor beaches as well and signs people, ditto Penrith and Parra

[dubby]

It's not the beach. It's having their family, friends, girlfriends family and friends in Sydney.
Players will travel all over Sydney but won't go to Canberra.

[greeneyed]

I honestly can't imagine anyone wanting to move to Bleak City. In any circumstances. I don't even like going for the day.

[Toviii]

I honestly can't imagine anyone wanting to move to Bleak City. In any circumstances. I don't even like going for the day.

Which one is Bleak City?

[Schifty]

I honestly can't imagine anyone wanting to move to Bleak City. In any circumstances. I don't even like going for the day.

Which one is Bleak City?

Tuggeranong.

[Nick]

Lots of watering holes in Melbs though Guttriss, a booze hound could get lost in the CBD for days, and if you're a RL player you get the added bonus of no one giving a **** about you because you're not an AFL player.

All the multiple contracts and boats probably help them though. Should we be offering players under the table boats over at Yarra, GE?

[greeneyed]

Bleak City

Flying into Melbourne on a good day, there are enough breaks in the clouds to see Port Phillip Bay around which, the city grew, with a water temperature that rarely makes it above 19C. Do not swim in there without neoprene protection, unless you are from Scotland or need some ice water muscle rehab.

This flat, grid based city, on a dirty brown river that supposedly runs upside down, has no outstanding structure visible that the world would instantly recognise as “Melbawn”. It is a dead ringer for any other city with tall buildings and commuters. A fantasy many of the locals have is that it is Australia’s most European city how they have come to this conclusion is unfathomable. Kinder interstate travelers will often say “at least you don’t need a passport to visit” and “you can get a good cup of coffee there” which is praise indeed for a city of over 3 million, they have coffee.

The weather certainly won’t impress. The legendary four changes of season in a day (if you’re lucky) keeps the locals on their toes, keeping with them at all times at least three clothing changes, all black of course in Australia’s faux Paris. Summer is a whole three weeks when the winds move around from the usual chilly damp antarctic blast to the roasting northern desert winds instead. It is like opening an oven door in an ice rink. After ten minutes, everything is so dry, it is now a time of high bush fire alert with life in peril. Do not expect palm trees and sunshine, most of the year is cold, only the temperate Canary palm can survive the icy blasting that is great for clearing a hangover, but the weather may have been part of the cause of you resorting to alcohol in the first place. The sharp freezing winds are probably the reason Australians from northern states refer to Melbourne as “bleak city”. Locals nearing the end of their lives dream of traveling north in a caravan toward warm weather, after all, any means that can get them out of the place before they die, will do.

The continual background hum you will hear is the banal conversations about “footy”, AFL. Here everyone worships AFL, a quaint coloqial sport that has become a doomsday cult with the end of the world coming in the shape of a round soccer ball. AFL has masticised into Melbourne, it oozes from every pore of the city and is watching you. AFL invades every conversation, talking recipes? AFL will get in there well before the fan forced oven temperature recommendation. If you do not convert, you will be shunned at work from the Monday morning footy results chatter, all the way through to the Friday afternoon footy tipping predictions and all the mindless AFL drivel in between. You will also be run out of town. The only escape is moving across running water, the Murray will suffice but the Tweed will be safer. If you have been brought up inside the cult, you will be blind and continue to worship at the large ugly concrete bunker that is the MCG, but to outsiders the cult is a freakish marriage of sport and religion.

All is not bad, crime is very organised and active. As a city of tradition, crime is kept in family structures but they are mostly bungling and inept just like all their good friends in the police force. Melbourne is a multicultural city and boasts gangs whose origins are from all over the globe and show remarkable inclusive tendencies picking victims from all backgrounds and religions.

Melbourne is extremely traditional and hierarchical, don’t you dare stir the pot, locals like it as it is and how it has always been. Happily living the same year over and over again. Living there more than a year is a waste of time. Grand Final, Spring Racing Carnival and Bush Fire Alerts all scheduled with the same news items with the same scripts each year, the writers of “ground Hog Day” must have been to Melbourne. It is the 1950s with internet.

Tourism bosses needing to show a fascinating city previously chose to advertise Melbourne as having a giant ball of string, I cannot imagine the disappointment when visitors found there was no ball of string.

http://kickacity.wordpress.com/melbourne/

[Schifty]

Lots of watering holes in Melbs though Guttriss, a booze hound could get lost in the CBD for days, and if you're a RL player you get the added bonus of no one giving a **** about you because you're not an AFL player.

All the multiple contracts and boats probably help them though. Should we be offering players under the table boats over at Yarra, GE?

Abbott said stop the boats so that option is out.

[-TW-]

Canberra
Canberra wore glasses few social skills and was quite simply “Miss Bossy Boots”. She would never stop telling the others what to do and how to do it, which became so very tiresome for the others that they tended to avoid and ignore her altogether. She showed little emotion and could be very cold, always butting into conversations that the others were having without really understanding or listening to what it was about, she thought her sisters understood how clever she was when infact they thought her rather stupid. Canberra preferred high art to the trivial things some of the others liked and regarded herself their superior even though she was the youngest and certainly a surprise arrival.

http://kickacity.wordpress.com/canberra/

[Toviii]

Sydney
The magnificent harbour with its internationally recognisable bridge and opera house has been used to perpetrate fraud for decades. Dumping criminals and political agitators directly into botany bay many years ago, may have had something to do with it. These days Sydney harbour is the Venus fly trap of Australia, tempting visitors and migrants with its stunning vistas, gorgeous victorian sandstone facades and international city status, but reveals upon arrival rented brick veneer, storm fencing and only RSLs shamefully filled with pokies to dull the regret. Behind the glamour of the harbour and exclusive suburbs there are bland, squeezed suburbs whose only interesting feature is regular flooding due to inadequate drainage. Unless you are a crime lord running night clubs and drug cartels, a financial wizard who can talk retirees out of their super or your ancestors were slave traders, you ain’t going to be living with a harbour view and a pontoon for the cruiser, any time soon. The best you can do is three hours a day standing on a train daydreaming about shooting your boss or getting a granite kitchen worktop. Commuting in Sydney drives you mad. Sydney is a beautiful lady on stage, she winks, teases and beckons. But back stage you find you were seduced by an old man in drag and he wants to use you, right now.

Having attracted so many people and crammed them together in such a short time, tempers flair and Sydney now enjoys large scale drug problems, impatience, greed, violent crime, despair, corruption, grid lock, this rage, that rage and all the general nastiness that are the benefits of being a world class city.

Admire this throbbing metropolis, plugged hard and fast into the modern technological world’s cutting edges, but watch your backs , that lovely friendly local you met just minutes ago has your wallet and already maxed out your credit cards with electrical goods and if you are quick, you can place a winning bid for them on ebay before the police have time to throw your crime incident report into the bin, Sydney really is world class.

So you been to circular quay and eaten a kebab sitting on a ferry years ago, nowadays you head off for the burbs along roads built for horses but not progressing any faster than the horses did. Commuting hell, by bus, train, car or plane the local government is the world standard for not doing anything for the future except stopping anyone who may do something for the future in case they show them up. Sydney may have the most famous Opera House in the world but you’ll never get there in time for a performance.

Please note that you may be required to remove your pants on Sydney trains:


The once popular Mardi Gras has waned so much that there is a glut of crotchless leather chaps on ebay. The once sassy Dykes on Bikes are now old ladies who should be in tweeds but the leather remains for safety and support rather than looks these days. The original and genuine euphoria of being out and proud has waned, most do not care about sexual orientation anymore and there really is a finite number of times “YMCA” and “Its Raining Men” can get the party going.

Sydney may not regard trains and buses as a priority but when it comes to fireworks there is nothing more important. Sydney knows that social cohesion is gunpowder based and whenever the harbour set to be blown up, over a million will turn up to ‘ooh and aah’ before realising they are stranded. To Australia’s other cities the fireworks are a pertinent representation of Sydney, …. after the fireworks and the harbour what is there?



Clearly Bigcheese was on the money.